How are males supposed to stay abstinent in long term relationships?

Almost 2 years of dating a girl. Were engaged. Got another 2 years before marriage probably for $$$ reasons. Were both 22, both virgins. Probably going to stay that way until marriage. Basically for the last year almost anything related to is just miserable. Physically wanting it for a long period of time and never getting it has made me (though don't blame her) emotionally miserable, feeling unloved/neglected, irritable, don't want to look at my fiance, don't want to even touch her at times, etc... I've told her that I don't want her to even mention the topic because it unfailingly makes me miserable to have any kind of ual conversation with her at this point. I tend to be a logical kind of guy and can understand what I'm feeling and usually know how to deal with it but this has just frequently been awful with no "solution" other than to have . Part of me worries that this will have some kind of long term affect on me past when were married. Is the secret to staying abstinent until marriage to treat your partner like a friend and than try to fall in love with her again after marriage or what? It seems like the "secret"/solution for most other people I know who preach abstinence is to have premarital themselves and offer no kind of constructive insight into the issue other than to say "wait till marriage".